HolistiSci

In relationships, we often focus on how the other person feels and how our actions affect them. But what if it was never about them? What if it was you the whole time, and the way you shift your thoughts has the power to change everything?

A recent study found that practicing self-compassion for where you fall short can lead to happier relationships¹. Researchers defined self-compassion as “being supportive and kind to oneself when experiencing failure or inadequacies.”

They identified three essential aspects of self-compassion:

1. Self-Kindness: Being nice to yourself when things are tough, not mean.
2. Common Humanity: Knowing that everyone has problems, not just you.
3. Mindfulness: Handling your feelings well without being too hard on yourself or ignoring your feelings.

Researchers surveyed 209 couples. Each participant responded to inquiries regarding their self-compassion, the level of kindness they extend towards themselves within their relationships, and their overall relationship satisfaction.

They found that when people are kind to themselves in relationships, their partners often feel happier, too. This was especially true for men in relationships. It also led people to: 

• Enjoy their time with their partner more, including being close romantically.
• Think their relationship will last a long time and have a promising future.
• Trust their partner more without being worried about being controlled or held back.

It’s easy to respond to challenging situations with self-criticism. What you may not realize is that when you criticize yourself, you open yourself up to that same criticism. You attract it even. 

If self-compassion is something you strive for, but feel unsure about where to begin, consider starting with the practice of forgiveness. A very wise person once told me that all forgiveness is self-forgiveness. An excellent tool for this is Ho’oponopono.

Know that you are going to fail. You will screw up. You will be too hard on yourself. And it will put stress on your relationships. But you can recover, and you can forgive. It all begins with an intention. 

References: 

Körner, R., Tandler, N., Petersen, E., & Schütz, A. Is caring for oneself relevant to happy relationship functioning? Exploring associations between self-compassion and romantic relationship satisfaction in actors and partners. Personal Relationships. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12535

About the Author

Meg Savané, founder of HolistiSci, has a BA in psychology from Denison University and a JD from Florida International University College of Law. She is also a reiki master and advanced pranic healer. Her passion for natural health began in 2008 when she healed her chronic disease holistically through diet and supplements. Since then, she made it her mission to become an expert on healing her body and maintaining her health naturally. It brings her joy to dig deep into science and make content accessible to others.