HolistiSci

As this year comes to an end and a new year begins, I’ve decided to begin a new journey – a writing journey. I’ve decided to undertake a year-long writing course with Daily OM to Uncover the Authentic Self. I’m sharing my journey in hopes that it may touch someone else out there.

I hope to come back to writing scientifically based articles for this site again, but for now, this is the direction I feel pulled to go. I hope you’ll join me on this journey.

Each week, as part of the course, there are questions posed. This week’s prompt talks about obstacles relating to this writing journey, life, and fears. And so we begin…

I am my biggest obstacle. Those thoughts that are swirling around in my head thinking that I might not be good at this or that I won’t actually have anything interesting or worthy to say. That I’m undertaking this course in order to open something up inside of me so that I can go deeper and be more valuable to the world around me – which is silly because I know that I am valuable. But really I’m searching for deeper meaning and value to the world around me…and what if this isn’t it? I don’t feel like I’ve quite found it yet. But I do know that I’m on the way, the journey. I’m trying to roll down that grassy hill and enjoy the thrill of going down. But, you know what? It’s hard. It’s hard not to want to already be there. To have reached the goal.

If I can overcome myself as an obstacle – and I know that I can because I’ve been doing it at a deep level for over a year now – there is so much possibility for beauty to be unleashed. For me to find my voice and have the words to share with the world and just maybe touch someone else. To provide healing for someone else. For someone else not to feel alone where they stand. Because none of us are alone. We just don’t all take the time to notice or have the willingness to see that we are constantly surrounded by the most profound love you can possibly imagine. There are only things to lose not overcoming me. There is such an expansive world available to me and the deeper I dig, the more I can access.

Fears are our biggest obstacles. And I’ve had many. Fear of not being enough. Fear of messing up. Fear of saying the wrong thing. Fear of not having enough. Fear of things not working out. Fear of being sick. Fear of not getting better. Fear that eating the wrong food will make me feel horrible. Fear of having a weak immune system. Fear of not stepping into my own power because that might not work in my favor. Fear of change. Fear that my children are not be accepted for who they are. Fear that I am not be accepted for who I am. Fear that my “outlandish” beliefs alienate people. Fear that my job defines me and that it’s not enough. Fear that I am not or will not accomplish enough in my life or that I’m not on the track that I should be on. Fear that the life I know will fall apart and I won’t be able to pick up the pieces. Fear that a disagreement or a fight means the end of a relationship. Fear of lack of connection. Fear of feeling alone. Fear of being misunderstood. Fear of being unattractive. Fear of gray hair, of wrinkles, of aging. But aren’t these just signs of a life well and goodly lived? Fear of, of, of…. I’ve faced these with bravery and courage. I’ve dug deep into my soul and my lives to do the forgiveness work and release necessary to move forward and expand.

I’d love to hear from you if you have thoughts or experiences to share. With all my love, Meg.